Quick Call tha COPS!

Overheard...

"I'm calling the cops! Give me a phone, I gotta dial 991!!"

The Better to Eat You With...

Overheard...

Student 1: I have lost 3 teeth!
Student 2: I lost 5 teeth!
Student 3: I lost 6 teeth!
Me: I lost 32 teeth!!!
Students: What? How do you eat?
Me: Well I lost the baby teeth and got my adult ones in.
Student 1: Yeah he has MAN teeth now!

and here I thought I just had permanent ones.

Just a Nibble...

While doing a Gingerbread Man Graph, students were given a gingerbread man cookie and told to take one bite. They then came up to the board and graphed which part they ate.

Teacher: (noticing a student with head down) Can you come up and graph the part you ate?
Student: (shakes head no)
Teacher: Why not?
Student: (motions teacher over) I can't because I ate his private parts first.
Teacher: !?! Take another bite and come graph that.

Snoop D O double T

To give the kids something fun to do for Thanksgiving I had them color a turkey leg and choose from "clothes" to dress the leg as a Pilgrim or Indian. This student cut the feather off of the headband and glued it to the hat. (The band on the hat is also colored to resemble purple leopard print.) 

WWPS? (What Would the Pilgrims Say?)

Add Ingredients to Suit Your Taste

Students wrote their recipes for Apple Pie...

Vegas Baby!

Overheard

I was born in Vegas, that's why I speak English.

Born on Date

Overheard...

Student 1: When were you made?
Student 2: Huh?
Student 1: You know...like 2005, 2006. When where you made?
Student 2: Oh, November 4, 2005.

Must be Brothers

After telling the students we would be studying Johnny Appleseed next week I overheard...

"I've never heard of him but I know about Johnny AppleWEED."

People of the Night

Reading a story about meeting new people on a train we started to talk about setting.

Me: What is the setting? Where did the story take place?
Student 1: The train!
Me: Would this be the same story if the setting was a yard? Would you meet a lot of new people in your yard?
Students: NO!
Me: Where else would this story make sense? Where would you go to meet a lot of new people?
Student 2: A nightclub.

True Story.

Al Gore Jr.

While doing a smart board lesson my computer desktop flashed up and I clicked on the Internet Explorer icon...

Student: Is that the real Internet?
Me: What other kind is there?
Student: I mean is that the real one?
Me: Yes! I'm confused though I didn't know there was a fake one.
Student: I mean some puters (computers) don't have the real Internet. Mine at home does though.

Hair Share

Me: I like your hair. The little braids are cute.
Student: Thanks! My mom has some beautiful wigs.

Learnded the Rules

In my classroom management, students have to walk a lap at recess for every time they changed their clip that day. After they walk their lap(s) they have to tell me why and what they will do to change tomorrow.

Student: Mr. X, I walkded my lap.
Me: Ok, come here. Why did you have to walk?
Student: Because I talkded.
Me: Thank You...go playded now.
Other teachers: (audible laughter)

I just wanted to keep the verb tenses the same.

Just Doing Their Job

While in the science lab the teacher was using black lights to show how "germs" (aka cornstarch) are passed around. The cornstarch glows and thus everything that you have touched will have some glowing residue. In order to make it really dark she turned off the lights and then said...

Teacher: Poor chameleons, I have to turn off their heat lamp so it will be really dark.
Student: There are chameleons in there?!? I didn't even see them!

Sounding it Out

Having to give tests the first week of school, one of which is a phonics test. Students listen to me say a word and then tell me the sounds they hear. This student was trying to spell the word in addition to telling me the sounds...

Me: Rich. What sounds do you hear?
Student: Rich...rrr...R. iiiii...I. Rich. RI. Rich...RI and one of those CH's.

What I Know

While "ABC" by the Jackson5 was playing I asked...

Me: Anyone know who sings this song?
Student A: Michael Jackson
Me: Wow! That's right...what do you know about Michael Jackson
Student B: I know he painted himself white.

Do they sell that color at Sherwin Williams or is it by Benjamin Moore?

Word to the Wise

Overheard during morning free play at camp. One 8 year old to another...

"Girl, players gonna play!"

That's an Overshare

I subbed for another camp counselor today and the kids were asking where she was...

Me: She is at the doctor.
Kids: Will she be back?
Me: Yes. She just had to get a check-up.
Kid: I had to go to the doctor once. He needed to check my hemorrhoids.
Me: Yeah I don't think it's the same doctor.

Reverse! Reverse!

Talking about owl pellets and what they are...

Me: Who knows what owl pellets are?
Students: Owl throw up.
Me: Yes. And what happens when you throw up?
Student 1: Food comes out.
Student 2: It's like pooping in reverse!

Humor is Everything

Last week (Thursday/Friday) this student was a little bit of trouble but then today (Monday) he was an angel. He was the last one to get picked up so we were talking on the playground and I complimented him on his improved behavior to which he said...

"Yeah, I think my sense of humor has changed."

Word Play

Students had a sheet where there were two words that when combined made a new word. Each word had a picture and the students were to draw a picture that represented the new word. Here is the best one...

(the picture shows a dog on fire. Guess that works too!)

Be Cool About Fire Safety

Went to the fire station today. They showed a movie with a young Lindsey Lohan, Gilbert Godfred, and Little Richard. Guess it was just whomever wanted to work that day was allowed on set.

Caviar Dreams

Extras?!? I can't afford lunch!

Root Words

Teacher: Remember when we are writing our stories you want to show examples of dialogue.
Student: Dialogue? What's that? Is it when someone dies in a log?

Do Diligent Duties

Same spelling test...

Teacher: Duties
(student laughter)
Student A: Duties?
(more laughter)
Teacher: Don't be gross! Duties, like a police officer performs his duties.
(louder laughter, even small smile from teacher.)
Student B: Didn't we already do duties?
(whole classroom erupts in laughter, including teachers.)

Ahhh the power of perversion among the English language.

Another Angel for Heaven

While giving a spelling test, the teacher called out, "Church. My family and I go to church on Sundays. Church."
To which a student responded, "I finally received the body of Christ yesterday at church."

Spelling Bee

A teacher and I were joking today about how the lesson plan had been pulled out of the air.

Me: That lesson was informative, right guys? Mrs. X is a J-O-K-E. (laughing)
Student: Jerk?
Me: Almost. (more laughing)

Ah, youth and their spell check and auto correct.

Back it up

In the cafeteria today, a student was wiping off the table and I commented

Me: Wow! You are really doing a great job cleaning the table. Thanks!
Student: Yeah. I'm putting my back into it.

Guess elbow grease is overdone.

Lost in Translation

The kids were making Mother's Day books today and had to write a poem, draw a picture and fill out a questionnaire about their mom. This little nugget is what one student wanted to share with his mom. The statement is If I could give my Mom some advice, it would be... and his response is You should stop drinking so much Coke. 

I believe this will be a Mother's Day to remember.

Where are the Zebras?

Overheard at the zoo...

Kid looking at zoo map: "You a fool! I ain't even seen the zebras yet!!"

One of a Kind

While discussing segregation with a group of third graders one student asked

Student: "Does segregation still exist?"
Me: "Look around and tell me." (there are some black, some Asian, and one white student)
White Student: "Nope! Cause if it did I would be the only one here!"

What kind of American?

While talking to third graders about Thurgood Marshall we discussed segregation. The book we read used the term African American several times. When I finished reading, a student raised her hand and asked...

"What kind of American are you, Mr. X?"

Guess being in the sun for a few days has put me in a questionable position.

Spanish 101

While talking to a kindergarten Spanish speaking student, another student came up and asked what we were talking about.

Me: That's not any of your business.
Student: I know how to say "none of your business" in Spanish. (this student does not speak Spanish)
Me: How do you say it?
Student: Nun ya!
Me: Si señor. Please take a seat.

Dozing Off

As we were working on an animal writing project, one of the kindergarteners informed me he had seen a real live cheetah.

Me: Really! That's awesome. Did you go to the zoo?
Student: No.
Me: Where did you see him? Africa?
Student: Yeah, in Africa!
Me: You went to Africa? Like you got on a plane and went there?
Student: No. We got in the car and I slept for a little bit and then when I woke up we were in Africa.
Me: Moving on...

Grown up kids

A kindergarten student saw "Jay" on a piece of paper I had this morning. Sseveral hours later at recess this conversation occurred...

Student: Um Jay he threw wood chips at me.
Me: What's my name?
Student: Jay.
Me: Try again. It starts with a Mr.
Student: Mr. Jay
Me: I'll take it. Tell him to stop throwing wood chips.

Pole dancing

Today at recess a kindergartener comes up to me and says "HEY! Watch me slide down the pole!"

A for Effort

Ran across this little nugget the other day. Laughed out loud all over again!

What's in a Name?

Here is a list of unique student names. I have either taught or seen these names on an official class roster so none have been made up...swear!

LordGod
LordSeaLife
Golden Brown
Faeva Love
Sincere Lee
King James
Jesse James

Drier longer

While reviewing language arts, the question was which word would come between deodorant and deport. The answer choices were deportation, dig or depend. The student answered depend, like the diapers for old ladies.

At least you still have your marbles

The students were planning for the arrival of live baby chicks. The teacher was stalling and this little gem came out...

Teacher: Wow! She is going to be so impressed with all of your knowledge!
Student: OH NO! My knowledge is at home!!

Excuses

Teacher: Good morning! Please take out your homework.
Student: Mine remains anonymous.
Teacher: anonymous?
Student: In anonymous.
Teacher: What?
Student: Unfindable.
Teacher: So you lost it.
Student: Yes.

Just one question...

Tomato Tamato

While giving a presentation on baseball a student showed the St. Louis field and pointed out the "Golden Arches" in the background. I thought it was called the St. Louis Arch but I'm sure there is a McDonalds close.

Will.I.can't

Student A: You know Will.I.am is blind, right?
Student B: No he's not!
Student A: Yes he is! Why do you think he always wears sunglasses??!

Game. Set. Match.

Man on the Run

Overheard in another classroom.

Teacher: What do you call workers who move from place to place so they can work?
Student: Fugitives!

I was thinking migrant workers but...

When in France

So my school does a yearly French Trip over spring break. Students (who pay) are taken to France for a week. So I was walking around the room as they were writing today and I overheard this...

Student A: "Yeah, he will get a French girlfriend."
Student B: "For like a week!"

We ain't nothing but Mammals...

Teaching classification today in science I had a student achieve an, as Oprah would call it, "Ah-Ha!" moment.

Me: "Where do humans fit into this?"
Student: "I dunno. There isn't a category for us."
Me: "Sure there is. We fall into the Animal Kingdom."
Student: "WHAT!?! We are ANIMALS?!?"
Me: "Yes. Now what Sub-Kingdom are we in? Mammals, Birds, Reptiles, Amphibians or Fish?"
Student: "I can't decide."
Me: "Well do we fly like birds, have scaly skin like reptiles, are we like frogs, which are amphibians or do we live in the water like fish?"
Student: "We don't do any of that."
Me: "Well what does that leave?"
Student: "So not only are we ANIMALS, we are MAMMALS too!?!"
Me: "Yes."

Multiplication Fail

While reviewing conversions I showed the students a recipe and asked what would be necessary to double the recipe.
"Multiply by two!" came the replies.
"So if there is 1 1/2 cups of cornmeal in the recipe, how much would I need for my doubled recipe?" I ask. "1 cup!" yells a very bright student (no kidding, this kid is smart!)
"Walk me through that," I say puzzled.
"1 1/2 times 2 equals 1," he stated.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"How?"
"Oh I thought we were doing 1/2 times 2."

No you didn't, you just realized you made a HUGE fail!

Escape Artist

I am currently with 5th graders and we are looking at "The Spread of Communism" I taught in South Korea for a year so I brought in pictures of the DMZ to show the separation between North and South. I showed the pictures and explained how communist North Korea was very strict and didn't let people out. If they did escape then they were hunted and if found imprisoned or killed. After the slide show and discussion I had a girl raise her hand and very meekly ask...

"Mr. Walter, how did you escape?"

Can we try it?

Teaching about communism in Social Studies and I came up with a real-life scenario for the students. I split the class in two and told half of them they were communist and the other half that they were democratic. They were to research their government and prepare for a class debate. The catch being, the communist side could only use 3 preselected websites and a dictionary for research. Anything they wanted to say in the debate must be cleared through me and they had to wear armbands. The democratic side could do anything they wanted to prepare.

After the researching and the debate, my students asked...

"Can we be communist for a day! We want you to tell us where we can sit and what to eat and where to play at recess!"

Excuse me? You are willingly giving up your freedoms? K.